YES! Finally back in blog & update mode! …It’s about time, eh? Hah. Oh man, SO MUCH has been going on lately! I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll go with the biggest change first.

I’ve left Abercrombie, but it’s because I’ve been working as a club promoter for Prive’ inside Planet Hollywood for the past few months. I LOVE this job! The pay, the perks, everything. It’s a lot of work but it’s so worth it, haha. The club is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, the company has tables & comp’d bottles @ hot spots nearly every night, VIP lists up the yang…a Vegas girl’s dream come true! LOL. Taking this was a HUGE change for me. I’ve never had a full-time job, so stepping into this pretty much out of nowhere kinda shocked my Mom, but she’s really proud of me. I am too, to be honest. I never thought I’d survive a FT position, but I’m doin’ great. I’ve met so many wonderful people and made some great contacts and connections. I get paid to meet cool people, promote an amazing club, and have fun. Awesome!

Although I’m no longer working at Abercrombie, it’s certainly not goodbye forever. Once I graduate and have my bachelor’s degree, I’m pretty sure I’m going to return and become an MIT, and eventually a Manager if all goes well. It certainly should. I’ve got a great record and history as far as my work and performance goes, which isn’t too common there, unfortunately. The vast majority of the employees (who aren’t managers) are high school kids who don’t take the job seriously, slack off, and just don’t do good work, whatever the task may be. Regardless of the pay and/or perks, I’ve always had an extremely good work ethic, which I get from a few places & people. My Mom, my Aunt, a few friends, school, cheer, etc. I’m very proud of that, too, because it shows, and it definitely doesn’t hurt!

Another…well, important thing, I guess you could say, is that I’ve been seeing a grief therapist for the past few months. I’ve been having a VERY hard time dealing with my Dad’s death. He passed away over 12 years ago, and although I didn’t know him well, now that I DO feel like I know him thanks to his friends and Marine buddies, I’m going through the grieving process that I’ve never truly gone through. I was 9 when he died. I had no clue how to process the situation or how to handle it. All I knew was that this man, who is my Dad, but whom I barely know, is no longer with us. That was that. When I was in my early teens (around 13 or 14), I started to go through a few emotional phases — anger, resentment, guilt…I got through them all thanks to my Mom, but, as I said, the grieving process never truly hit until now. And good lord, it’s…I can’t even think of the words to describe it. I’m having such a difficult time dealing with his loss. One thing that’s very problematic is that I want answers that I’m never, ever going to get, and I don’t know how to accept that. I’m a very direct and inquisitive person. If I want to know something, I do everything I can to either find out the answer to that something (or the questions I have about it), or do everything I can to learn and teach myself about it so that I can get the answers, if that makes sense. I get the fact that he’s gone, has been gone for over 12 years, and will never, ever be coming back. As much as I hate that fact, I understand it. But accepting it is another story. I want to know WHY to so many things. WHY did he have to die? WHY did I only get 3 months with him? WHY was he practically dangled in front of me at the worst time possible? WHY was I teased, cheated? WHY him? WHY a Marine, a good person, a hero? WHY not a mean, evil, cruel person who’s rotting in prison and is nothing but a menace to society? WHY MY DAD?

I’d, “Why?” myself ’til the sun comes up, but it’s useless because it’ll get me nowhere. And that’s the problem. I don’t know how NOT to question everything. It’s just my nature. I need to know. But, Dawn (my grief therapist), is absolutely wonderful. She’s so sweet, compassionate, understanding, and she genuinely cares about me and wants to help me as much as she can. That, I appreciate. She’s helped me out tremendously so far, and I know things will only continue to go up from here.

I know I had some more to say but I’m getting tired, so I’m gonna go crawl into bed, cuddle with Lilly, and try to get some sleep. Hope everyone had a good (and safe) weekend! Love ya’ll. Baci!

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Yep! I’m still around, of course, hehe. Just been INSANELY busy lately. This is just a super quickie blog for now, but I’ll make an insanely long update about everything that’s been going on either later tonight (if I’m still up, hah), or tomorrow for sure!